CEMETERY WINS ABOVE REPLACEMENT, Vol. 8
Louisiana, Tennessee, Kentucky, Wisconsin, Washington, Oklahoma
Welcome new-ish readers of Tinker Taylor Soler Spiezio! Today’s newsletter is Part 8 of a series asking this question:
Which cemetery has the most/best buried baseball players?
We’re counting down to the ultimate baseball graveyard, state by state. Along the way, we’ll talk about each state’s signature dead players and why they warrant a visit.
You probably have two questions.
A) Well, which cemetery is it?!
We’ll get there. Eventually. Hint: it’s on the west coast.
B) Where’s my state?
I got you. Here’s where we’ve already been:
Vol. 1 Wyoming, South Dakota, Alaska
Vol. 2 Hawaii
Vol. 3 Nevada, Utah, Montana, Vermont, North Dakota, New Mexico, Rhode Island, Colorado
Vol. 4 Maine, New Hampshire, Minnesota, Idaho
Vol. 5 District of Columbia, Delaware
Vol. 6 Iowa, West Virginia, Arizona, Oregon, Mississippi, Nebraska
Vol. 7 Kansas, Connecticut, Arkansas, Virginia, South Carolina
For Volume 8, we’ll visit the girl who struck out Babe Ruth, the original Louisville slugger, Bucketfoot, Chicken Wolf, Old Long Pants, a Black Sock, two Earls, a deadly bean ball, and a bullet from Cuba. Today’s states in bold.
If you’re going cemetery hopping in Louisiana, you’re going to New Orleans. Here at Dead Baseball Player Metrics, LLC, we support your decision. Fifty players, and 228.5 WARpC, are interred in and around the Crescent City. Our specific stop today is Metairie Cemetery.
Mel Ott (110.6 WAR) is the tent pole under-which all others lie. Revel in the stat lines of Mel’s twenty years with the NY Giants and it’s clear he’s an inner-circle Hall of Famer. Metairie Cemetery also houses Henry “Zeke” Bonura (21.4 WAR), a 1930s slugging first baseman; Mel Parnell (27.7 WAR), a 10-year Red Sox pitcher who threw 295 innings in 1949 with a league-leading 2.77 ERA; and Connie Ryan (17.5 WAR), a 1940s journeyman infielder. Ott was Ryan’s manager for a time and called him “a peppery, chip-on-the-shoulder player like Dick Bartell, or John McGraw.” Not sure if that helps your mental image, but it’s a jim-dandy of a quote.
Ralph “Putsy” Caballero (-2.8 WAR) and Charles “The Count” Campau (1.3 WAR) are not exactly famous, but still deserve shout-outs for their 80-grade nicknames. Finally, there’s Gene “Augie” Freese (8.7 WAR), an infielder who had a couple two-WAR seasons in the early 1960s, then hung around for ten more league-average seasons. Augie’s last resting place is inside an urn, displayed behind glass with baseball cards, memorabilia, photos, and a Crown Royal bag. Never change, New Orleans, never.
If you want to get the most out of Tennessee’s WARpC (Wins Above Replacement per Cemetery, this newsletter’s research metric), drive 10 minutes north from Sounds Stadium, home of the AAA Nashville Sounds, to Spring Hill Cemetery. There you’ll find Fred Toney (25.8 WAR). He pitched a seventeen-inning no-hitter in the minor leagues in 1909, and pert-near matched the feat with a ten-inning no-hitter against the Cubs eight years later. A checkered career followed that never matched those accomplishments.
Charles “Red” Lucas is also there at Spring Hill with his 32.7 pitching WAR and his 12.0 batting WAR. For fifteen seasons, starting in 1923, he played for middling-to-terrible Reds and Pirates teams. His 114 career pinch-hits, however, was a record until 1965. Plus I’m a sucker for any player with a poem.
Just a ball player-that's all,
he can field, he can pitch, he can hit,
He's a pip on an infield ball;
he can take his turn in the pit.
He isn't a Grove or a Cobb,
but shove him whenever you will,
He'll turn in a first-class job,
At pitching or punching the pill.
Not a bad guy in the clinch,
Just to have hanging around,
Taking his cut in the pinch.
Taking his cut on the mound.
Any old spot in the skit,
Calling for bludgeon or ball,
Headliner? Hardly a bit.
Just a ball player-that's all.
- Grantland Rice
As you can see, we love Moonlight Graham types, players with a story as telling as their WAR totals. Only a single major league pitcher won 20 games in his one and only major league season. He’s right here, buried in Spring Hill Cemetery: Henry Schmidt (2.2 WAR) with the 1903 Brooklyn Superbas. He was 30 years old in his one stellar season and thereafter preferred pitching close to home, in the California League.
Another stop deserves your time in Tennessee, Forest Hills Cemetery in Chattanooga. Buried here are two Chattanooga baseball legends. Joe Engel (.9 pitching WAR and -.9 batting WAR for a perfect 0 career WAR) and pioneer Jackie Mitchell.
Engel was a sore-arm pitcher in the 1910s, briefly a vaudeville comedian, a successful Washington Senator’s scout through the 1920s, and owner of the Chattanooga Lookouts for decades. He built Engel stadium which served as the home of the Lookouts from 1930 to 1999. Engel was the Bill Veeck of his day, staging outrageous promotions and beloved by Chattanoogans. In 1931, he signed 15-year old Jackie Michell as the first-ever female professional baseball player. In an exhibition against the mighty New York Yankees, she struck out Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, and Tony Lazzeri. How legit these strikeouts were is up for debate. As is our policy here at SSTT, we print the legend.
Kentucky has its share of dead players, including three Hall of Famers: Jim Bunning (59.5 WAR, St. Stephens Cemetery, Fort Thomas), Earle Combs (43.9 WAR, Richmond Cemetery, Richmond), and “Pee Wee” Reese (68.2 WAR, Resthaven Memorial Park, Louisville). But the cemetery with the deepest (ha) bench is Cave Hill Cemetery in Louisville with 98.6 WARpC. Pete “Gladiator” Browning (40.4 WAR) jumps off the leaderboards for many reasons, but check out his 1887 season: 103 runs scored, 118 RBIs, and 103 stolen bases. One of only two such 100/100/100 seasons. (Charlie Comiskey is the other, in the same year.) Known as the “Louisville Slugger” long before the brand existed, Browning is forever linked with the company. His headstone is engraved with crossed baseball bats and a summary of his career.
Also buried at Cave Hill: Browning’s childhood friend William Van Winkle “Chicken” Wolf (17.5 WAR); brothers Harry & Howie Camnitz (.1 WAR and 15.8 WAR, respectively); and John Dodge (-1 WAR), one of only two players to die from a pitched ball. I’m not making light of the man’s passing, it’s truly tragic, but “If a 90 mile ball kills me after all, to die home-plate-side is such a heavenly way to die“ sure sounds like a deleted lyric from Morrissey/The Smiths “There is a Light.” Shoutout to the SABR Grave Marker Project for giving Dodge a proper memorial.
With twenty-two ballplayers (plus boxer Muhammad Ali, chicken magnate Colonel Sanders, and b-movie director William “The Manitou” Girdler) at Cave Hill, you have options. The Louisville Slugger Museum is absolutely worth an afternoon and the AAA Louisville Bats stadium is one of the best anywhere. Bourbon and a hot brown round out your stay. Louisville rules.
If you find yourself in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, with a few hours to kill (ha) before a Brewers game, I have three stops for you. Hall of Famer “Bucketfoot” Al Simmons (68 WAR, St. Adalbert Cemetery, Milwaukee) slugged for the Philadelphia Athletics during their late ‘20s surge (three straight pennants and two World Series wins). Then a twenty-minute drive to Wisconsin Memorial Park in Brookfield rewards you with ten buried players. Ken Keltner (33.2 WAR) leads the Memorial park group. He manned an impressive third base for Cleveland in the ‘40s, with seven All-Star games. In 1941, Keltner helped end Joe DiMaggio’s 56-game hitting streak with two backhanded stops down the line and powerful throws to retire Joltin’ Joe by a step both times.
Two more notable visitations in Memorial Park. Johnny Logan (33.1 WAR) played fourteen years in Milwaukee, five with the American Association Brewers and nine with the National League Braves. In the off-season, Logan worked in public relations (read: gave speeches and signed autographs) for Blatz Beer. He won championships with the Braves in 1957 and the Japanese League Nankai Hawks in 1964, the first player to do so. He was inducted to the Miller Park Walk of Fame in 2013. Possibly Milwaukee’s most infamous home-towner, Oscar “Happy” Felsch (19.4 WAR), is buried here. He was one of eight players banned from baseball in the 1919 “Black Sox” scandal. Since the other seven players were deceased or refused to talk, Felsch became the primary source for Eliot Asinof’s 1963 book Eight Men Out. Charlie Sheen played Felsch in the 1988 movie, both of which read as dated now. The Black Sox scandal is a story that just keeps on giving.
No trip to Milwaukee is complete without a visit to the National Bobblehead Museum. Where else can you find Devo, Mojo Nixon, the worst Ichiro ever, and all the Brewers sausage mascots on the Iron Throne? A truly magical place.
Our Washington destination is the suburban Seattle community of Snohomish, Grand Army of the Republic Cemetery to be exact. Two players are buried here, both nicknamed “The Earl of Snohomish.” Seems lazy, but still a hell of a nickname. Hall of Famer Earl Averill (51.1 WAR) was a center-fielding hit-machine for Cleveland in the 1930s. Hot-headed first baseman Earl Torgeson (33 WAR) is remembered for his visit to a leukemia-stricken boy in 1948 that was captured for broadcast on the Truth or Consequences radio show. His visit started The Jimmy Fund, a cancer research program still supported by the Boston Red Sox. The second Earl of Snohomish died in 1990 of leukemia.
One more historic player deserves mention here, as his grave is just 30 minutes south. Hall of Famer Amos “The Hoosier Thunderbolt” Rusie (65.8 WAR, Acacia Memorial Park, Seattle) threw so hard that, in 1893, the National League moved the pitcher’s box back from 55 feet to 60 feet 6 inches. I’m not sure how much more dominant you can get than that.
There are four Hall of Famers buried in Oklahoma, all essentially in a straight line, all with spectacular headstones. Start with Warren Spahn (110.1 WAR, Elmwood Cemetery, Hartshorne) and his record 363 wins. Good thing that record will never be broken since it, along with his number 21, is inscribed on his headstone: Winningest Left-Hander in Major League History. Fifteen minutes west is Joe “Iron Man” McGinnity (58.3 WAR, Oak Hill Cemetery, McAlester), who earned his nickname with 3,821 innings pitched in a 10-year career. In August 1903, he pitched (and won) both games in a doubleheader, three times! Lefty screwballer Carl Hubbell (68.2 WAR, New Hope Cemetery, Meeker) is ninety minutes further west. With a 2.98 ERA over 16 years, he certainly earned his nickname “The Meal Ticket,” which is on his grave marker. It’s better than his other nickname “Old Long Pants.”
The last leg on our OK Hall of Famer road trip is 45 minutes west to see one of Hubbell’s high school rivals, Lloyd Waner (27.9 WAR, Rosehill Cemetery, Oklahoma City), a speedy center fielder for the 1920s Pirates. He shares final resting places with long-time Yankee Bobby Murcer (32.1 WAR), a nice one-two punch. Lesser-known Ellis “Cot” Deal (-1.6 WAR) is also buried there and deserves a visit. As manager of the Rochester Redwings on a tour of Cuba, he was thrown out of a game against the Havana Sugar Kings while coaching third base. Minutes later, celebratory gunshots rang through the stadium. It was 1959 and Fidel Castro had just seized power. Deal’s on-field replacement had the bill of his cap, and his earlobe, pierced by a stray bullet. The coaches and team left Cuba the next day, all otherwise unharmed.
I know that’s a long string of oh that guys, nicknames, statistics, and anecdotes. But what if YOU were the girl who struck out three hall of famers, the original Louisville slugger, the guy who threw so hard they changed the rules, the first Earl of Snohomish, or the guy who literally dodged a bullet in Castro’s Cuba?
How amazing would that be? To be remembered like that?
These cemetery posts always bring me back to the same place: being forgotten. It’s the most painful thing I can think of.
The fuel that gets me out of bed everyday is simply being remembered. Not famous. Just not forgotten.
Earn a nickname. Inspire stories. Corner the market in a stat that’s all your own. Be the main character of an anecdote. Be a bobblehead. Leave a good looking tombstone. That’s the way to live.
Great read as always Jay. 2 epiphanies:
1) Grantland Rice may not have been the journalistic genius we've been told. I wrote better poems at age 8.
2) “Putsy” Caballero: greatest porn name ever? Or the affable elderly sidekick in a Glenn Ford western?
I hope to live the kind of life that leaves a Crown Royal bag in my mausoleum.